Snippets from today.

Bianca: Mum do you think that when pregnant women fart it scares the baby?

I have no idea where this came from. But what to the public people of the blogosphere think?

Screaming in the background.

Me : Bianca did you just take that pencil off Annabel.

Bianca : no she gave it to me.

Me : Can you please give it back to her.

Bianca : BUT MUM I NEED IT.

-the look- pencil is returned... Screaming stops.

Bianca isn't that great at the lying think.





On the way out the door.

Me: Annabel have you done a poo in your panties.

Annabel : No.

Me thinking : Oh ok... I'll just stick her in the car without checking. Normally she doesn't answer so I was taking her word to be true. I think we need some more work on this one.

One mother nearly died from very smelly child in Queensland today. We had our first pantie change in the middle of the bush.

Another one from the toilet files.

We've started sitting Annabel on the toilet. She doesn't like it and screams/bites/ hits so I end up getting really upset.

So Aiden did it this morning. First time He held her arms by her side and she bit him. She stayed on for about three minutes and screamed for a good hour afterwards.

The second time he held her hands down near her wrists so she couldn't bite him, or hit him. After thirty seconds into it she kicked him.

You know the kind of kick when you think 'thank God I'm already infertile and we weren't planning on having anymore children'. Reflexes meant that the second toilet sitting lasted for about thirty two seconds.

Annabel was sent to bed.

Typepad

I want it.

But I have some questions?

Is it worth the money?

Do you have to be a hatemail (or HTML) genius to use the thing?

Is it easy for the computer illiterate being to create a truly original site???

Which version to get? What do all you readers have....

I want to blog like the rest. I think that means I'm going to have to pay for it.

Isn't this incredibly ignorant of me? Posting about another site on blogger. My days of blogger are over I fear, as I grow into new dimensions.

Conversations with Abi and progress

Well it's just after 8 and Annabel is asleep. No drugs needed.

Aiden's mum is doing well.

We're all very tired. It has been a long few days. I have a lot to tell you.

Do you remember my conversation with Abi? I haven't told you the outcome. Now Abi, is lovely and honest. She is probably my best friend, she's also a psychologist. Annabel and her spent sometime together last week and Abi did a little evaluation. Very informal.

So armchair psychologists you will enjoy this.

Abi reckons that there is a 'problem' and it's not just your usual run-of-the-mill-adoption stuff. What kind of problem she's not really sure, but she's suspecting a development disorder, but not Autism. Annabel smiles when she's happy. Even if it's only occasionally it's more than she would do if she had 'classic' autism.

There may also been a touch of Sensory Intergration as most children with development disorders to experience this as well.

Abi also thing that Annabel has a language disorder in the region of processing.

Now as if that isn't enough she thinks there is a serious cause to some of the behaviours. It's very hard to write about these things as I don't know what my daughter went through before she got to the orphanage or what happened, if anything, in the orphanage itself.

Yes the children were malnourished and neglected. They lay like planks in beds all day and I didn't expect miracles, but my conversation with Abi was something that I hadn't prepared myself for.

So Annabel and I are going to a play therap counselling session at Western Australia's leading children's hospital. All thanks to the very kind Abi, or got us up the waiting list in record time. We have already visited the sexual health clinic and also seen a resident psychiatrist to rule out the possibilities of self-harm and suicide.

My nine year old was evaluated incase she harmed herself.

I was gutted. The investigations were invasive, Annabel didn't understand what was happening. She can't tell us what she's been through.

This was all on the Wednesday night.

You can imagine what kind of state I was in when I got the call about MIL.

I have only just told Aiden about everything. He was pretty angry that I hadn't told him earlier but I wanted him to concentrate on his mother. I feel like shit about it now. I only told him now (and this really impeccabley crap timing) because Annabel had the screaming habdabs when he tried to change her panties and it suddenly clicked that there just maybe other reasons behidn these outburst than being a sucker for mummy.

I have a million evaluation forms to fill out and they just made me cry. I am so scared about what lies ahead, yet so desparate for answers. Abi has guided me, yet I still feel frightened.

OK. So you know. If my emotions are a bit ragged over the next few days, weeks, months you will know why. Maybe some of you will understand what we are going through.

When is this madness going to stop.

Happier notes.

Annabel seems to be thriving. She has enjoyed watching all the birds, seeing wild Kangaroos and Wallabies and spending time on the farm. Her speech is slowly improving, she's still screaming, no improvments in the toilet department, but she's thriving. I don't know how or why, but she is really coming out a bit.

She still doesn't move around too much. I mean she sat at he breakfast table for an hour today because I didn't lead her anywhere.

We've started looking at the alphabet and I have realised that I actually don't have a bloody clue about this homeschooling thing!! Oh well, we will learn together.

I was wondering about making up flashcards with basic words on and trying to promote speaking in sentences rather than screaming blue murder. Is it too early to start with flash cards?

She knows two colours now- Blue (of course) and green. She can count to three sometimes. And is now saying 'yes please' and 'no thank you'. She says me instead of I, My, Mine, Yours. So I am trying to work on that.

We have a problem in the fact that the naughty chair is still at home. This is a very confusing concept for Annabel to get her head around, and means that the consistency of the madhouse has vanished.

Still doesn't help at all in dressing herself even though I'm encouraging it. She will however feed herself with a spoon occasionally. It goes everywhere though.

She can also take off her shoes but nothing else.

She has stopped hitting Bianca, after Bianca whacked her back. She stills bites a lot though and is still screaming almost constantly.

I do see improvements. Just not in general areas. She's more relaxed when we cuddle and massage her and she's started to enjoy being read to. She laughs when Aiden tips her upside down. Laughs a lot. Her face goes red and she shouts for more daddy more.

2

A little snap shot.

From the bird table... Just some photos from this morning.

Camera woman was able to operate due to a nice four hour sleep thanks to one sleeping tablet issued to child number three.

I know, I know, I'm terrible. BUT I figured that giving her a sleeping tablet was better than killing her in a car accident caused by my fatigue.

MIL doing well.

100 things not finished yet

100 Things about Katrin.
1) My name is Katrin Eve Howarth
2) I’m married to Aiden John Alfred Howarth
3) We have three children : Lucie, Bianca and Annabel.
4) I am infertile due to several doses of Chemotherapy, the drugs didn’t do it for us and we adopted Annabel in February 2004.
5) We have two dogs, Clarke and Arnie, both answer to dog, and therefore whenever the word dog is mentioned in our house, they assume that whoever has mentioned the forbidden word, wants to stroke them.
6) Our house is also the home to 40 girls at boarding school during the night, 20 senior day girls and 60 co-ed junior pupils during the day- sometimes it’s a very LOUD place to be.
7) I’m very well adjusted to the noise levels, and have learnt to shepherd my entire family out of the house in less than sixty seconds due to the evacuation guidelines we are set.
8) I enjoyed my state education, but would always chose to send my children to a private school
9) Most people call that snobby, but I like the flexibility, the longer holidays and the fee reductions we get there (Aiden works there). The kids like the extra curricular activities as well.
10) Plus the two state schools within our catchment are crap.
11) Annabel is home schooled, but I don’t know what I’m doing really.
12) My favourite food is Cannelloni, which probably isn’t spelt correctly. I love to have it stuffed with spinach, cheese, sun dried tomatoes and chicken. Yummy.
13) I find cooking quite attractive, as in I like it, but I don’t get much time.
14) No matter what is happening I like to eat meals as a family. We discuss all sorts.
15) I am an architect. The only project I work on at the moment is the designs for our home, as in the home we own not the boarding house. I am also a full-time mum, cleaner, and a tutor in the boarding house.
16) I am always available for the girls in the boarding house, even though I don’t get paid. They are lovely girls and when the year 13s leave I miss them a lot. Some of them are reading this. It was these girls that introduced me to blogging.
17) I have neve died my hair. I always wanted to but then I had chemo and it all fell out. I didn’t look good being bald, so I decided to always be happy with what I’ve got.
18) That is until it comes to my nails- I have a pedicure and manicure once a week. It’s my me-time.
19) My favourite day of the week is Wednesday because the girls finish school early and we always go and do something fun (even if not all their homework is finished).
20) I’m the kind of mother that makes her daughters get the majority of their homework done as soon as they walk in the door… well I give them a quick snack.
21) I still have to sit and watch over Bianca doing her homework because otherwise she hides parts and gets distracted- she then lies about doing it all. I think this is my favourite time of the day with Bianca. I am quite distracting though as I ask her all about her day.
22) My favourite time of the day with Lucie is in the evenings when we have in-depth adult conversations. She is such a smart kid and has so much knowledge. I often get lost.
23) All the time I spend with Annabel immensely special because she took such a long time coming. That is apart from the middle-of-the-night-poopey-sheet-changes. I would be quite happier if these started to occur less frequently.
24) I believe in God. I believe in God mainly because I like the feeling that someone is watching out for me and my family… That probably makes me a bad Christian.
25) But we go to church each Sunday and it’s very important for my spiritual well-being.
26) I am a quarter of the way through this and I’m going to take a break and get a coffee.
27) I'm easily distracted. My coffee turned into a midnight chat with my dear friend Abi.
28) The worst day of my week is Monday, I hate trying to get my children ready for school when they are still in the 'weekend go slow' mode. They are usually late for school on a Monday.
29) I was a shit at school. Hence my a keep a tight leash on my girls now. My parents thought I was an innocent child, they didn't know half of what was going on.
30) By the time I was 15 I had lost my virginity, drank so much I had passed out and used drugs.
31) I am going to make extra sure my girls don't read this now.
32) Bianca asked about virginity the other day, I lied and said I was 19 when it all happened.
33) I do believe it's ok to lie about some things to your kids.
34) I have not smacked them.
35) In our house we have time-outs and gatings. We also take away their TV time and yes well the playstation got thrown in the bin a few months ago (actually we gave it some friends kids but ours dont know that yet!!).
36) When I was young I loved to eat candy floss by wrapping it round my finger and slowly sucking it off.
37) I refused to eat brocoli when I was a child, but I love it now.
38) My favourite coulour is probably a light coffee brown. I am partial to all natural colours.
39) I love the coulour of the sky at sunset and I love the vibrant shades of the ground at dawn.
40) I am very rarely up at dawn but Aiden always is.
41) I don't really sleep in I am just not an early bird.
42) When the girls where little I used to play them a soothing nature tape to get them to sleep.
43) Bianca has ADHD. She doesn't like academics but I want her to finish school. She spends a lot of her time messing around. I worry about her a lot.
44) I worry about Annabel a lot as well.
45) Lucie just cruises through life though and doesn't really give me any reason to worry.
46) I cruise around in a Blue Landrover Discovery. Aiden Cruises in a white Pajero. I love my car. It has a lot of character as it is always very messy.
47) I hate French Connection UK. I have banned that brand in our house.
48) Our house is very nice. We are also building another house. Well not yet as I haven't designed it yet.
49) Our other house (as in the only house we own) is in a Suburb called Bicton. It is South of the Swan River and has amzing views of the city, the river and the ocean.
50) When I was younger I had to share a bedroom with my sisters. I have three sisters and two brothers. I enjoyed sharing a room.
51) Bianca and Lucie have only just been given their own bedrroms. When Lucie turned 15. Annabel still sleeps in our room, but I am trying to boot her out. My sleep is a little too important to me at the moment though.
52) I want a mila and lita. If you don't have a clue what I am on about check out Tess's blog http://tesspeak.typepad.com
53) I have visions of going to HK and helper-stealing them.
54) We have a helper at home, her name is Nelly. She does not do any form of children. Teenagers, Toddlers or Babies. The closest she has gotten to any of our children is ironing their clothes.
55) Nelly was supposed to 'go' when I stopped working. But we still have her. She is great at housework.
56) I spend a small fortune on school uniforms each year. I like the ideas behind having a school uniform but I hate the prices that we get charged.
57) I've dressed my children in second hand clothes on many occasions, especially when it comes to school uniforms. They don't know this though.
58) In school I was lousy at social sciences, but loved Art, Physics and Math.
59) There's actually quite a few things my kids don't know about.
60) Like the fact I was crap at school. I mean I was pretty smart but more interested in the other sex. In all shape and forms.
61) My fantasty involved my biology teacher. I thought he was shit hot.
62) Don't worry I have outgrown childhood crushes and now they all involve Aiden.
63) Aiden and I met through a school exchange program.
64) Aiden went to boarding school from when he was 6.
65) I grew up in Switzerland. I am swiss. Aiden is Australian.
66) My family want me to go back to Switzerland and don't understand how I can call Australia home.
67) Does that make me an expat? I hold two passports. As do my children.
68) The thought of cheese fondue makes me want to spew.
69) Red wine on the other hand puts a smile across my face.
70) I don't get drunk to often. I used to but then pregnancy, infertility and loss kicked in. They are not a good combination to add alcohol to.
71) I don't like being sick. But I love my husband for holding my hair back when I am sick. I don't love him so much when he sleeps through our kids being sick.
72) I don't agree with antibiotics, but my kids ears are constantly playing up so we often have them hanging around.
73) I also don't agree with multiple jags at once, like the MMR.
74) Lucie and Bianca both had Measels and Rubella before they were old enough to actually have the jag. Bianca caught Mumps last year.
75) I bet I get slated for writing that I don't support them.
76) My kids have had the flu jag though.
77) Injections don't frighten me that much.
78) I was petrified throughout my chemotherapy treatment.
79) I am also scared of deep water. I swim like a drowning turkey.
80) I love lounging my the pool and watching the kids swim.
81) I wear sunscreen and so do my children. They are not allowed out without it on.

Ovedue update?

I haven't written in so long and it's not going to be much of an update...

Aiden's mother was rushed to hospital by air ambulance on Thursday- they live the on the Eastern Scrub of Australia - a good 5 hour flight and then 7 hours drive. A lovely little homestead in the middle of bumble fuck.

SO of course I was on the first flight with two of the girls, two dogs and very little baggage. Arrived late thursday night, dropped everyone off at the homestead and went to the hospital (a good two hour drive away)... Returned home. Persuaded Annabel that it really was a good idea to get some freaking sleep. Slept for a total of forty minutes due to some severe screaming that was taking place.

Friday- drove the whole 7 hours back to Brisbane(MIL had been transferred due to the stroke now). Expected girls to sit patiently in hospital for a good 6 hours, booked into a hotel room. Stayed there the night. Picked Aiden up, dropped him at the hospital, drove the seven hours back to the homestead. The drove the hour and a half to the shops. I've had about 2 hours sleep since we've been here. Annael is crusing for a kangaroo tranquiliser shot... Bianca is cruising for some serious I.V. Ritalin. I just want SLEEP.

MIL is doing ok. She was bitten by a King Brown snake and had a little stroke. We're still here. Aiden flew in on Saturday (Wait, was that yesterday?). Everyone is exhausted. Transferring back to the hospital near us tomorrow hopefully.

AGHHHH DAMN HTML

Ok So I have just found LOADS more comments... and realised that all the comments on the site are now gone :(

However I bet there's people out there who think I am damn ignorant.

I just looked at haloscan and there are a lot I didn't reply to yesterday.

I will read and respond tomorrow. Thank you for all the TT advice and I'm glad you're enjoying reading.

Sorry about that. I am a twit when it comes to I.T.

Bianca's hamster joke.

She knew I wasn't a happy chappy.

Bianca: Mum can we have a hamster?

Me: No. Maybe. I don't know, I'll think about it...

Bianca: No, because we already have one right?

Me: What no we don't. (Getting slightly confused- she did just ask for a hamster right?)

Bianca: Yes we do... A Russian Dwarf, called Annabel.

Poor quality but I had to laugh.

7.53 update

It's 7:53. Annabel has been asleep for an hour almost.

Judging by the bite mark on Abi's neck I don't think her little excursion went that well. Mummy really needed the break though, but I think I'll buy Abi some steel-plated suiting next time. If there is a next time.

Bianca is doing homework. Which she should have done over the long-weekend. It was due today and it's still not done. Not happy.

Bad part. I wouldn't have known about this homework (and the fact that it had not been done) had it not been homework she was meant to do for Abi's english class. Abi just mentioned it to me. I wonder what else she has meant to have done?

There's a party in Heathcote (a run down and now closed mental hospital) this weekend. Bianca wants to go.

There will be lots of alcohol, lots of drugs and lots of boys taking advantage. I told her she could have a friend sleep-over and I take them and pick them up from the movies. I thought this was a fair trade, but:

Apparantley everybody elses parents are letting them ok.

O.K. you can go, as long as I can come with you.

No? Oh ok so you obviously know full well that things are going to be happening there that I won't agree with.

She's not going. I couldn't give a rats about what other parents let their kids do, but that comment just pisses me off.

Plus this html thing is a little harder than i thought. My blog is meant to have a nice coffee coloured background- why is it plain white?

Annabel has been lovely today. Apart from running across the road and whatever she did with Abi. Abi told me she's going to pop round for a chat later- this is child psych/english teacher Abi so Im keeping my fingers crossed.

Lucie and Aiden phoned. Still enjoying. Aiden is a bit pissed that he's missing all this time with Annabel though (I let her scream down the phone to help him get over it). He really misses both the girls though.

Will write when I've spoken to Abi.

Sorry guys.

break in transmission

Abi had kindly taken Annabel out. Annabel came very close to death today.

Katrin has just discovered html so it relieving some stress by giving the site a new look...

Edited to say yes she is ok...

We ventured to the shops which are ideally located right next to a freaking highway.

On one side there is a pet shop. We went in there , but I had some foodstuffs to get and didn't want to be carrying a poor fish around with us. We crossed over and had a browse around. Stopped at an outside stall to buy some veggies and Annabel thought it would be a good idea to bolt over the highway. No looking. Lots of cars. She didn't get hit, but I tell you what I lost it with her on the street. I was so angry.

Then of course the emotions and the 'what ifs' and the guilt kicks in... so Abi has taken her out (to pick up the fish)... we have fish coming!!

sorry to worry you all.

Annabel's Monday

Aiden and I talked last night about the autism thing.

I think Annabel is just severely delayed. More so than any other adopted children we know. Our friends adopted two kids from Russia. Both were younger than Annabel but they could feed themselves, bath themselves and were toilet trained.

You know at the end of the day I guess it comes down to the orphange. The orphanage Annabel was in was grotty.

It really was unreal.

We already had decided to have her evaluated by the school psysch (our dear friend Abi) but we want to let her adjust first and also acquire further language skills.

Maybe she has had bad experience in toilets? It could be something as simple as that for the tting, but there's several factors.

She's still super duper cuddly though.

She's been given an enema today. Her tummy gets so hard when she 'holds' and she also gets super fidgety. She didn't like the enema 'stick' and even though i did it in a very maternal position (she was cuddling me on my lap facing me) she still clenched at my skin. Even with the enema effects she was holding. Damn child just get that poop out. Most of it passed though I think and it as super stinky. Ok. When I change her should I make her lie down as I'm finding it really hard to do it with her standing and it's also really messy? Is itok to do this as I think it's a bit babyish?

She's also been to the pool today. Still refuses to wear floats so I have to hold on to her. She had her head underwater today as well, which was a first.

At dinner she sat by herself (I refused to let her on my knee) and after screaming or a good half hour ate most of her dinner with a spoon. Lots went to the lovely PP t-shirt she was wearing and even more to the dogs. So that was another first. She can use aa spoon in a fashion.

We watched some singing kettle and went for a walk with the dogs to the river. She loves the dogs. I am going to get some betta fish (thanks!! ) for her bedroom. I have told her if she behaves she can go to chose them tomorrow. She was pretty excited so I guess she understood. (We had to get the nemo toy and put it in her room before she got it though!).

Abi has organised a fantastic party for Annabel. It's this friday and everyone at the school is invited. Annabel doesn't know but Bianca is very excited to be able to show off her sister.

Annabel's having a crappy night tonight (she's just come down wet again)... so Im off to bed with her for a huggle.

The day we knew.

Do you remember your first ultrasound? The one that you heard your babies heart beating? Or maybe the one that’s really important for you was the one when the ob printed off a photo which you treasured.

You were so proud of this photo that it lived on the kitchen fridge, the same place where your mum put your first painting or poem. The photo was there, throughout the pregnancy.

It was there to cheer you up when you felt a little low. To make you smile when your feet were too swollen to walk and to remind you that the little bugger in the photo was the reason your fridge was full of only one kind of food, maybe a little left over from the last craving you had.

It’s the photo your toddler kissed before they went to bed and the photo that has a duplicate in your husbands wallet. He still has it in his wallet.

One day some mail came to the house. It was October 7th. A Tuesday. 2003. It was hot. The girls were being cheeky and I couldn’t get them out of the house quick enough as I was late for work again. Throwing a hair tie around Bianca’s hair, wrestling with her to brush her teeth properly, getting the dogs outside to do their business…

The last thing I needed was Lucie tearing open the envelopes of the mail and throwing the contents everywhere. If they were boring they’d be tossed straight to the side, the semi-interesting ones were lightly digested before being discarded. The next package ripped open and she stopped, looked at something and yelled that one of my friends had sent me a photograph of her child.

I pulled the last knot out of Bianca’s hair, grabbed the girls school hats, went across to hoard the mail into my arms (it was my rush hour reading material) and saw the photos.

Not a friend’s child. These photos were of our child. This was Annabel. This was the child that had been chosen for us.

This was our daughter.

Everything stopped.

The girls ran out of the door screaming ‘goodbyes’ and ‘love you’ and I made a feeble attempt at replying. The photos felt so heavy in my hand.

There were three photos.

A baby photo, and two recent portraits. The baby has no clothes on and is lying in a cot staring up. The portraits are of a girl with a grey t-shirt on. One’s a face shot and one is a full length shot. She’s just staring. There’s a bruise around her right eye. She has no shoes on and her clothes are all torn.

I phoned work to say I wasn’t coming in. That’s what you do when you have really bad morning sickness isn’t it? I don’t know why I did it, but I just couldn’t face all the people.

I had to find Aiden.

He was teaching a lesson. I realised how late the girls had been to school. Maybe I should have written a note? He had a year 9 Geography class. I had to check the timetable even though his is engraved in my mind.

I knocked at the door. Still feeling numb. We had waited so long for this moment. Aiden’s face lit up with glee when he saw I had photos in my hand. He knew. We hugged and kissed. An appropriate tongue restrained kiss (there were 14 girls in the classroom). God I love that man.

That was the first time we saw our daughter. Along with the photos was the Russian Authorities official documents allowing us to adopt her. There were no photos of were she was staying but we knew it was an orphanage in a small town 800 kms away from Yakutsk in Siberia.

We told the girls that afternoon. We had spoken to them about adoption and they knew it was maybe happening. Nothing concrete. We took them to dinner and they asked questions. They wanted to know about Russia, about the orphanage and about the little girl. We gave them both copies of all three photos in a frame and also brought them sibling presents. That’s what you do when you have another child isn’t it?

That night Aiden and I had sex. Sex after infertility. Sex knowing that it didn’t matter if I became pregnant. Sex were we poured love into each others souls rather than trying to pour it into the souls of an unborn child. It was magnificent. Doing the deed after all those years and knowing that whatever happened we had those papers to adopt our third child.

That was the day we knew our family was going to be completed.

The biggest News.

I can't believe that I forgot to mention this, but I have a sin to confess. I haven't even told Aiden yet, but I'm sure when he looks at the credit statement he'll realise. Hopefully he'll still be in Switzerland when he checks it...

I've booked us tickets to Moscow.

For three weeks time.

For all of us.

To go and see Russia. We're not going anywhere near Yakutsk or the orphange, but I really want Lucie and Bianca to visit and share the experience that we had.

Everybody tells me that when you adopt a child internationally you are meant to submurse him/her into your culture yet you are not meant to change their name.

This is the best route to follow.

Bollocks. The choice should be made my the child's parents.

Ok well, Annabel as you can probably tell is not a Russian name. Aiden and I have chosen names for our other two children so why should we not chose her name as well- after all we are her parents. Annabel Eve Mackenzie hasn't even got a Russian tint to it.

On the culture thing though. I want her to know her culture. It's not like she is suddenly going to be attacked by purple aliens, with 17 eyes wearing orange overalls, and have her memory erased. She will always know she was adopted.

Moscow is such a beautiful place. The buildings, the people and the atmosphere. It was so nice to be there and I want Annabel to always know that even though she now holds a brand spanking new Australian passport, she came from a truly amazing country.

Well if it suddenly goes all quiet you know that Aiden has slowly murdered me. I think he will be supportive, but you know that niggling feeling when you've done something you really shouldn't have and nobody knows yet.

Heck you remember year one art class when you shook the paint with out the lid on and it went all over the back of the-meanest-girl-in-the-class' dress and she DIDN'T EVEN REALISE and you were just waiting to be found out.

Well yep thats where I am.

Answers to comments.

Thank you for being so supportive.

I do get my breaks. She is a long sleeper. She still naps in the day (and I'm in no hurry to stop it) and she's still sleeping right through the night (most nights).

The virtual porch is lovely to be a part of. I think it would be the other way round with the trauma thing too.

Sarah I will write the start (when did this whole journey start?) tonight for you and post it up.

Each day passes and at the end of every day I'm realising that we have achieved very little in terms of development. This child has never experienced development though(will explain later) so maybe it's just taking time to get the hang of it.

Happy Labor Day (are you mean to say happy). Must make a mental note to go and look up the origins of Labor Day.

Katrin

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Airmail to Russia.

Model not working as specified in Advertisements.

Bianca asked if we were sending Annabel back to Russia today (as in she asked today, not was Annabel leaving today).

Me : No, why would we be doing that?

Bianca : Because you said maybe there was something wrong with her (I had mentioned my thoughts on autism to Aiden on the phone last night).

Me : Bianca, I could never ever take Annabel back again. She's our daughter now.

Bianca : Ok that's good. Cause she's my sister too.

Ten minutes later...

Bianca: Mum do you reckon it's ok to just send her voice box back though: that way we'd still have her here, but she'd just be quieter.

Anyway, Bianca and I have had 'the chat'- nope not that chat. The chat about everybody being different and we delved into the Autism subject just in case.

We read the adventures of Leelo and his potty-mouthed mom together.
http://shroomhead.blogspot.com/

I still can't get over the fact that she thought we were going to take Annabel back... my if she only knew what she was like when she hit the "fu*king fours" prematurely aged three... or if she realised what a little shit she was the day she got suspended... This is Bianca we are talking about.

I love you both. All I mean- brain's been so frazzled that I'm forgetting the one that's in Switzerland- have a 'awesome time'. Not phoning home enough though!!

It rained.

Today it rained for the first time in three months.

I was happy (the lawn needed it), Annabel screamed and screamed and screamed. My child is scared of raindrops falling on the windows. Thankfully, for my ears, and unthankfully for the lawn it didn't rain for very long.

I think we will be holding a memorial service for the lawn soon though. I did water tonight but it looks very, very dead.

This weekend is the long weekend so there are no boarders in the house. It's very quiet here. Abi and Mark are away, as are most of the other teachers. I wondered if we should have gone away and then I remember Annabel... This child does not like change.

She can also scream very loudly. And if Bianca and I suddenly change places at the breakfast room table this is enough reason for Annabel to scream.

She also has reason to scream if I go out of the room to get a glass of water, if I move my leg in the slightest way when I am cuddling her, if I go to answer the poor person knocking on the door. These are all reasons to scream, and scream loudly.

The naughty chair (another reason to scream) has been put to good use today. The dead in the graveyard three suburbs away have been woken and Annabel is causing havoc.

I am wondering about Autism. I really really am. This child won't even dress herself, feed herself, wash herself. She has never washed her own faced, or pulled down her own pants (Ok the superdry goodnites she's wearing during the day). She doesn't understand why it is not NATURAL to stand there and scream. She actually does just stand up, close her eyes and scream. Tears trickle down and until she is picked up she

WILL
NOT
STOP.

The smallest things set her off. Bianca is ready to move out. I'm sure she has a bag packed and is ready to just up-and-leave the next time she hears that vile sound.

She has started to scream in the car, whenever I put her into her seat she starts a full on tanty (with biting and kicking included in the Supersize variety).

Thankfully she has not yet realised about HJs and Maccas though. We have to drive past two of each to get to the shops, but I am dreading the day she starts to know what the big Yellow M resembles.

I don't know what to say, it's just been a hard day. I am very very tired and I am sick of the screaming.

You know when babies go through that awful stage when they realise they can create really high pitch yells? That's what it's like, only babies seem to be a lot easier to distract than Annabel is.

Weigh In

Annabel's now weighing 15.4 kilos, but hasn't grown yet. Hopefully the calcium shots will kick in soon to get those bones going (and growing). We were so early that Annabel hadn't even woken up properly, hence no struggle getting through the doors, but she knew when she saw the needle what was coming.

Blood Results on Monday.

We've had a busy morning with a trip to the doctors and we got all the shopping done as well. When I say shopping I mean the boring food shopping, excluding the veggies (which I will get from the market) and the meat (which comes from our lovely little 'old skool' butcher).

Annabel is asleep... Girls are at school and the dogs are rolling around in our almost dead grass- they are actually enjoying the sand bath effect. I must get the hose on our poor lawn tonight.

Are fish easy pets or difficult pets?

Toilet Training a Ten Year Old.

Well no, maybe I should call this "Toilet Training a Nine Year Old" as that is what the 'official' birth certificate says...

There are no books on this subject. According to my internet research that was carried out in the early hours of this morning, after changing poopey sheets, 5-7 million kids still wet the bed at night- why is there no training manuals that deal with this design flaw?

And why is there not much research on kids that still have problems during the day?

I know our F.D told me to give it a break, but I'm sure that she has never had to take out a second morgate to afford the very large sums of money we need for the nappies that Annabel is constantly in.

Annabel is still holding her stools. They generally come out when she is totally relaxed, which is always in our bedroom. Now these nappies are super-duper at holding copious ammounts of pee-pee but when it comes to poop they just don't cut it.

So if there's anyone out there that has:
a) Found a training manual for older child toilet training
or
b) Knows a good older child nappy brand that won't leak all over my lovely linen sheets

Please LET ME KNOW.

The best friend

The new love of my life and it's best friend.

Who's been sleeping in MY bed?

Annabel!

Annabel started off in her own bed for her nap yesterday, but transferred herself to our bed shortly after I left the room. She did the same thing in the middle of the night too. So it's official I am a Bad mum, I let my daughter sleep in our bed and, Guess what...

I wouldn't have it any other way.

We received Annabel's birth certificate today- there is a conflict between her birth date as printed and what we were told by the Russian officials. So what do we do? Go with the one on the certificate or the one that we were told?

I've also decided to see a private cardiologist for Annabel, simply because I am an impatient bugger and I DON'T LIKE WAITING. Our first consultation with the public cardiologist would be in November- yeah right darling, this is my daughter's heart we are talking about I AM NOT WAITING TILL NOVEMBER.

Lunch was good. We went to the fish pub in Freo, where they let the kids draw on the tableclothes- Annabel showed off her colouring skills and soaked up the attention that she was showered with (by the waiters and waitresses). Annabel spilt water all over herself twice, must practice drinking out of glass beakers at home before we venture out again.

We were also asked about enrolling Annabel into school, whether we wanted to or not. I've decided to 'home school' her until next February and we'll see how we go. I think throwing her into a class of 9/10 year olds would be similar to feeding her to the crocodiles. She hasn't hit one target on the Western Australia School Readiness Guidelines and they are aimed at 3 to 4 year olds.

She is what I have decided to call T.D.D. Temporarily Developmentally Delayed.

Oh Oh oh. We also went out in the Axiom today- the new special needs stroller we've invested in. Wow it's fantastic and Annabel loved it. Normally she whinges whenever we walk to feed the ducks (and is only happy when we are actually sitting and feeding the ducks), but today she was happy for the entire stroller-ride there and back.

Weigh in on Friday as well as the next Calcium shot. She also needs her antibody counts so we can check which jags need updating. It's not going to be a happy clappy trip is it?

Ramblings

I've been slack at updating.

Annabel is coming on in leaps and bounds.

She can say several words now, but doesn't always use them in the right context: Fish, Mummy, No, Yes, Nanta (Bianca), Dad, Luey (Lucie), Go, Juice, Nack (snack), TV, I, you, and my. She can also say teddy, dog (both our dogs are now responding to dog), and bad and good.

Her favourite phrase is probably 'Nanta Bad. Go,' roughly translated to Bianca's bad, go to the naughty chair.

She has been showing a naughty side more frequently and we now have a 'naughty chair', which she has visited a few times. She has also sent Bianca to the naughty chair on several occasions. Bianca thinks this is hilarious, whereas all hell breaks out when Annabel gets sent to the naughty chair.

She's had two calcium injections now, and I am dreading the next time we visit the doctors. The last one she realised as we got half way in the door ' this was the place that they gave her the really horrible injection' and a major power struggle began.

She is still sleeping a lot. She sleeps for 12-14 hours at night and has a 2-3 hour nap on the day. I have to be realy careful with having tea ready early otherwise she crashes before I can get anything into her. She will use a fork now, but hasn't got the coordination for cutting just yet.

She enjoys colouring, cuddles and watching HI5. She can do parts of the dances and enjoys the action songs we do in the car.

The boarders love her and she loves them.

She still has a really flat head and prefers to sleep on her back, which is not really helping the flat head situation.

Her room is coming along nicely. Aiden has chosen a soft coffee colour for the walls, a cream carpet and she already picked out a pale blue doona cover and pillow case. She's still sleeping in our room at nights, but I am thinking of moving her before Aiden gets back.

Aiden and Lucie are having a fantastic time skiing. Annabel 'speaks' on the phone with them, but if its anyone else she gets angry, slams the phone down and keeps saying "dad" and "luey" over and over again. However if I'm chatting on the phone she will ask "Dad?" and if i say no it's not she'll quite happily leave me to talk.

She cried when Bianca put on her school uniform this morning (first day back after suspension) and threw a massive wobbler when she couldn't go. Thankfully she was quickly distracted by the nemo DVD I shoved in.

Anyway, I had better go. We are meeting a friend for lunch and Annabel isn't dressed yet. I am a bad mum- it's 11:27am.

We've visited the aquarium, the zoo and Harry's Park in the last few days. We've also had several trips onto the beach and down at the river. Annabel is learning to swim, but screams blue murder when I try to put arm bands on her, and sinks when she jumps in without them on.

More Later.