A good night out.

Well tonight we had our first family dinner out.

We went to the Aquarium restaurant and it was, as usual, fantastic.

Annabel was astounded by the aqaurium, not much eating was done, but a lot of looking happened!

I have to tell you all some big news. Annabel spoke three words in English today : No, Fish and Mummy. I'm over the moon. She's actually quite a huggable little critter. She was in our bed this morning snuggling up to both Aiden and I, wet pjs and all. It was such a lovely moment.

She's also shown an envious side today... I know I should have disciplined her, but I did't. It was just such a perfect moment.

After her nap (afternoon nap) she was having a cuddle and Bianca came and snuggled up next to us on the couch, well Annabel smacked her in the face. I froze- is she actually jealous about me sharing my attention- no surely not. That would mean that she's wanting my attention. Bianca found it hilarious. It's the only reaction we've seen out of Annabel, and whilst it was 'naughty' it was so lovely to know that she was actually jealous of me splitting my love between the two.

She's still getting very tired, although we now know this is probably due to her heart. The toilet training has taken a back seat. Our wonderful F.P. suggested 'good nites', a pull up type of diaper, and this is what we're using at the moment. We still are encouraging sitting on the toilet before we go out and before bed, but nothing ever happens on there. As the wonderful F.P. said there are much more serious issues to worry about.

Annabel has her first calcium injection tomorrow at PMH. It's a slow injection and extremely painful. I had to have them with the chemo treatment, and so am very anxious about how it will go. I don't want her to start thinking that we brought her into our lives to inflict pain...

We also purchased our special car restraint so that if we are in car accident (God forbid) her bones won't be crushed. Sometimes it's a little unreal to think how weak her bones actually are. We also had a look at 'special needs' strollers online today and our going to test a few out tomorrow. Whilst it's not essential, it will ease the pressure on her bones and also means I will be able to get out and about even if she needs to sleep.

Bianca has been a joy today. Back to my own daughter and not the devil that has invaded her body recently. She's apologised and given us an explanation, which is pretty reasonable for a fourteen year old.

Well Annabel is fast asleep now, and as they say, sleep when you can. My days are full of emotions and at the end I am exhausted. I love my children so much and can't believe that our family is now complete. And yes I do feel that we are now a family. A complete family

Shop till you drop.

That's what Annabel did this morning.

Mother-daughter shopping. It's wonderful to say that again. Lucie has long given up shopping with me and Bianca would, quite frankly, rather die than be seen shopping with her mother.

We visited the Murray Street Malls and brought some clothes, some more shoes, a couple of hats, some t-shirts and a cossie. Annabel hasn't taken the cossie off since she tried it on. I think I'll take her to the pool tonight.

We had breakfast at the Italian Corner. Walked up to Kings Park. I must have spent over an hour pushing Annabel on the swings. She laughed and giggled, wearing a smile from ear to ear. She was so happy on those swings.

I'm in a bit of a rutt with Bianca though. She isn't allowed anywhere on the school campus, which is difficult when you live snap bang in the middle of it. If I child was grounded in a 'normal' home she's sitll be able to do chores outside like walk the dog and go to the shops for me. But we can't let her do that and she's not getting out at all.

So I think grounding is lifted for a while. Aiden goes on the ski trip to France in two days. He'll be gone for three weeks and I want to spend some time as a whole family before. I will miss him like crazy.

Bianca did tidy her room though whilst I was out this morning. I nearly fainted when I saw it- this is the child that loves her room to look like a flea pit.

A quick update.

Busy day today.

The medical yesterday wasn't that great. Annabel has a hole in her heart and needs to see a specialist regarding surgery. There were a few things said, but that was the biggest blow.

There were several other issues I was concerned about, but they seem rather small now.

First day of Bianca's suspension today. We have grounded her as well. She was thinking along the lines that a weeks suspension would mean a weeks holiday... I think not my dear. My blood is still boilinig about the whole incident. I just don't udnerstand why she did it.

Lucie is working really hard. I hope her report card reflects it this time. She is enjoying her subjects and certainly putting in her best efforts.

Lucie went to school this morning, Aiden has a full day on Tuesday. Bianca moped around the house feeling sorry for herself. Annabel and I went shopping to pick some things for her room. Annabel's favourite colour seems to be blue - she picked out a blue lamp and a blue towels and face clothes. I let her chose some items, and most of them are blue. She chose a really nice teddy. He's a bit chubby, but really soft- he's adorable, as is she. I also let her chose a doona cover. This was bit more difficult than the teddy bear choice and we actually didn't get one. I will take her to the city tomorrow I think as there is a bigger range there.

She picked out some books- mostly the ones with brightly coloured pictures- we own the whole Graeme Base Collection now. She's also desparate for clothes- everything we brought for her is way too big despite chosing 8 yr old clothes when we went shopping. There's a nicer selection in the city though.

We also got new blue shoes- nice sandals in a dusky light blue. They are simple devine and look fantastic on her.

So it's been a blue day- in more ways than one.

I also got my period today. I hate it. Every period reminds me that I will never be pregnant again. I know we are not trying for another child, and we love Annabel to pieces, but the bit that annoys me is this

The fucking chemotherapy left me infertile, yet each month Aunt Flo still comes. On the dot. Never Late. My period is just a reminder, like the red enevelops that come when you don't pay the gas bill. I hate it. I despise it.

Diary of a Wombat.

Annabel was given a lovely book today.

It's called Diary of a Wombat and is written by Jackie French.

Now I will read to you, all you have to do is imagine a roly-poly wombat on the pages- it increases with size as we go through the story.

MONDAY
Morning : Slept
Afternoon : Slept
Evening : Ate grass. Scratched.
Night : Ate Grass. . . Slept

TUESDAY
Morning : Slept
Afternoon : Slept
Evening : Ate Grass.
Night: Ate grass. Decided grass is boring. Scratched. Hard to reach the itchy bits. . . Slept

WEDNESDAY
Morning: Slept
Afternoon : Mild cloudy day. Found the perfect dust bath. (Insert mental image of wombat rolling around in front of disgusting onlookers trying to enjoy a bbq).

Discovered flat hairy creature invading my territory (actually family mentioned above's doormat) Fought major battle with flat hairy, creature.

Won Battle.

Demanded a carrot.

The carrod was delicious.

Evening : demanded more carrots... NO RESPONSE.

Chewed hole in door. Man shouts "for pete's sake give her some carrots!!".

Ate carrots. Scratched. Went to sleep.

THURSDAY.
Morning : slept.
Afternoon: Discovered perfect scratching post (family's outside wrought iron table)
Evening: Demanded Carrots.

NO RESPONSE

Tried yesterday's hole (in the door... now boarded over) Curiously resistant to my paws.

Banged up garbage bin till carrots appeared.

Ate Carrots.

Began new hole in soft dirt (in the family's flowerbed).

Went to sleep.

FRIDAY
Morning : Slept
Afternoon : Discovered new scratching post (family's ladder)

Also discovered a new source of carrots (from the little girls tucker box).

Evening someone has filled my hole in.

Soon dug it out again.

Night : worked in hole.

SATURDAY
Morning: Moved into new hole
Afternoon : Rained... New hole filled up with water. Moved back into old hole.
Evening: Discovered even more carrots (In the family's veggie patch) Never knew there were so many carrots in the world. Carrots delicious.
Night : finished carrots. Slept


I will continue with the story in the morning.

Thank you Abi. I know exactly why you chose this book.

To the blogosphere- will explain all tomorrow. But in brief- this wombat IS Annabel, minus the wet sheets, medical worries and the fact that she isn't yet demanding things!

Bianca's present.

Well today we got a truly magnificent welcome home present from Bianca.

A week's suspension from school.

Oh no, not only a week's suspenion from school. We were dealt every foul-mouthed phrase that her alcohol-drowned brain could come up with.

Not only did she get herself into a gabbling, babbling, slurring and spewing state- she also managed to supply alcohol to 6 other minors so that they could get themselves into a similar predicament.

Maybe just maybe, if 4 of these 6 didn't reside in our boarding house (Bianca's in one of the other houses) and Aiden (and the fantastic Mark) didn't have to deal with the consequences just at that precise time, or maybe if she hadn't supplied the alcohol. Maybe if we hadn't become house parents, and had to face the embarrassment of admitting to parents that our OWN daughter had been the producer of this deadly
Concoction , I may have been able to deal with the situation in a slightly more level-headed way.

Perhaps I was the irrational, emotional, crying, ball of fury that I was because Aiden had just been notified about our daughter's involvement as I walked in the door from Annabel's medical...

I can't say it's been a good news day.

Why has my fourteen year dragged me through this emotional trumoil? Is she showing new attention seeking skills because of the adoption?

I look at Annabel and I see my silver lining. I look at Bianca and I'm seeing my cloud. Please God help me to forgive her for this wrong-doing. Please let me look at her smiling face tomorrow and see my golden sunshine, filling my heart with warmth.

We've told the world.

Until this morning none of the children at the school knew that we had been away picking up our adopted daughter.

OK. Lucie and Bianca knew, but they were sworn to secrecy... The last thing that Aiden would have wanted had we got Russia and experienced problems was all the girls that he teaches knowing what had been planned. Aiden doesn't admire sympathy.

All the teachers knew what was going on. The very talented houe parents who help us run the house, Mark and Abigail Shenton, had told the girls in the house that we'd gone on a second honeymoon... the rest of the staff were telling them that we'd been visiting in Sydney- of course the girls in the house thought that they knew the real thruth.

Then we had to figure out how to tell them. Annabel's is still to nervous to just be thrown in with the lions. So last night Aiden took some digital photos of all three girls, and some family shots to show the girls are registration.

Registration is at 7.30 in the morning. It's generally starts up off in chaos- all the dya pupils and all the boarders exchanging gossip, and as you can imagine it's a hundred times worse on a Monday morning.
Then the registser begins- odd bit of tittle tattle throughout it. Occastional Aiden shouts through from the office (our office is just across from the girls common room). If it's a really BAD day for gossip (or Aiden's been up several times a night due to the girls burning toast and our lovely super sensitive fire alarm going off), Aiden will go in and pull out a few of the yabbering villans. Deathly quiet. That's what happens when Aiden enters the common room. These girls have so much respect for him it's unreal.

Well today I sat and tried to figure out what part of registration we were at. Listen to the sounds and the girls were just not getting any quieter.

I had to go out and investigate. Well registration was cancelled for our girls today- a very brisk head count, standup if your not here was done. Aiden had walked out of the office this morning, put the photos on the table outside the door to help a couple of junior boys sort their uniforms out- of course meanwhile the girls had seen the photos.

It was like a zoo. All the girls were wanting to see the photos, and see them again. Could they see Annabel? Can they see her after Classes? Can they take her to Classes? No, nope and nope again.

Then we had a classic comment.

"Mrs Shenton said we could adopt a dolphin, but you've adopted a child for us"

Thank you girls. Thank you for sharing our happiness.

Annabel is off to the doctors today to have her medical and get some needles. Will update later.

A Melted Heart.

Well Annabel woke. She slept until after twelve- a whopping 18 hours sleep almost. I'm not really sure how long she slept- she has a really funy habbit. She doesn't move. She doesn't wander around rooms, or get on and off furniture. She just sits and stands still. I was sorting out all the washing, and I went into get last nights wet sheets and she was awake. Just looking at me. I hugged her, changed her, but she's rigid like a statue the entire time.

So we ventured through to the kitchen. I had to take her by the hand. I let go if it to put some toast on and she just stood. I spoke, and she may have listened? Does she understand me?

We went through to the dining room. I helped her to sit on a chair and than sat next to her. Cutting her toast up for her and she wriggles onto my lap. I didn't put her there, she moved there voluntarily. My heart melted.

But she never moves... is she not curious? How can I teach her to look at things and discover herself and her surroundings? Is it because she has spent most of her life not allowed to move from her bed?

This journey is so difficult for me. Always waiting, always watching, my heart melted this morning though.

An unwakeable state of slumber.

Annabel crashed last night. It actually was a good start to the new bedtime routine that we need to get established, but I was a little disapointed that we didn't get to do goodnight kisses, reading and prayers. I had wanted to hold her in my arms till you slept but it didn't happen.

One minute she was sitting on the couch watching the girls mess around and the next she had zonked into an unwakeable state of slumber. I carried her upstairs and got her changed and into bed without her making a sound. I even managed to cut her nails- which were reazor sharp little buggers.

But she sleeps through anything. It's scary. She slept through all that, then we had to strip her bed and clothes twice during the night, plus the boarders set the fire alarm off last night- which meant getting her out of bed, downstairs and to the meeting point outside. Is it normal? Is she just feeling exhausted from all the change or do you think it's something we need to see a doctor about?

She's been asleep for over 15 hours, when am I going to be able have some bonding time with her?

One Journey over, another one begun.

We are home safely.

Lucie and Bianca are smitten with Annabel. I have never seen my two girls express so much emotion and affection. They had brought gifts for her, made brownies and created a huge banner, which was strung across the front garden. They sat and showed her toys, drew pictures with her and danced to music. Annabel was overwhelmed. The stimulation was too much- there was no toys, colour or love in the orphanage, just broken windows and children who didn't move for days on end. Annabel cried and cried.

Whilst nobody told me that adopting an 10 year old was going to be easy, I had never prepared myself for the fact that Annabel wouldn't bond with Lucie and Bianca. I had never imagined that she would shy away from two children offering her fun and laughter.

Physically I am exhausted. Long flights, Jet Lag, too many stop overs have all contributed. Five time zones in 48 hours.

Emotionally I'm drained. A child that doesn't know how to cuddle or kiss me on the cheek. A child that has never known stimulation, has never smelt different smells, or seen vivid colours rushing past. A child who didn't know the sounds of laughing children when she came to our home, nor does she know how to eat with a knife or fork, or dress herself. Was it too much to expect that she would be toilet trained? Yes.

To say it simply. I've journied through healthy pregnancies, babies, anxious waits, miscarriages, infertility and adoption. Yet it was only when we brought Annabel home that I realised how naive I was. I haven't ever experienced life, like I did in these last few days.

Lucie, Bianca and Annabel mummy loves you so much. You are what makes me who I am.